Your Crazy Time Unnerves Me



The other day I sat with a friend and listened to him talk about his discontentedness with life and his present work situation. I listened attentively, reflected what I was hearing, shared what I noticed, gave some thoughts on my perception of some of his thinking, told him I would be praying for him, and went merrily on my way. A couple days later he wrote me to say thanks and that some major things were moving and big changes could be in the offing.

It scared me. Geeze, I had encouraged him to think along those lines, to be really open to something new. Now he and his wife and children could be entering crazy time. But it looks like to me that if they don’t, they may die on a few different levels.

But I hear myself through him. Am I dying? Is my life shriveling? What if I stay where I am for years to come, how alive will I be?

I’ve been thinking about the story of Jesus walking on the water out to the disciples who were safe within their boat. The disciples weren’t in crazy time, but when Jesus tells Peter to get out of the boat, now we have crazy time. What strikes me is that what got Peter in trouble was taking his eyes off of Jesus when he was in the midst of crazy time. Fear took Peter’s eyes off Jesus. How do I keep my eyes on Jesus when fear is griping me?

The other day Miriam and I were doing centering prayer together. In some ways I think centering prayer is crazy time. It was in the morning and all through the prayer the tasks of the day kept pulling me out of a place of attentiveness and into the day. All through the time of prayer the waves started to splash around me, creating anxiety, and I would take my eyes off of Jesus.

And when I listen to friends getting out of the boat and trying to keep their eyes on Jesus, I start looking at the waves. Shoot, I’m still in the boat and I’m scared. I hope my friends don’t pick up on my fear.